again in circles.

i see this is all coming back to haunt me.
well.
talk to me.
i'm not all that smart at picking hints.
so you all have to tell me.

i got what lexine said.
what about you amazing?
fiancee?
drey?

talk to me then.

amazing;
i'm really sorry about blowing you off yesterday.
i really wasn't up for anything yesterday.
but thank you got the chocolate comment.
maybe you have to buy me chocolates next time.
i don't know what happened between the both of you for this to happen.
but i hope i have nothing to do with the decision you made.

i want to go shopping with you again.
cause i felt.
that it makes us closer.
in a way.
we really think alike.
so i hope you understand where i'm coming from.

i'll tell you what i told him.


i think this is all i have to say.
if there is something about me that makes you upset.
why not tell me?
in my face?
i won't hate you.
i won't hold grudges.
i'm just horrible at this.
this is what friends do right?
tell them what they don't like about each other so that they may change for the better.
i want to change for the better.
will you all be the one to help me there?
i'm asking you all for help.
and i'm apologising.
and i hope you all will help me and change me.


this one is for baby varien.
happy birthday dear you.
you're sixteen.
and with the sweet Lord.
i never got to see you.
i never got to touch you.
but you're a part of my life as much as everyone else i hold dear.


i never told anyone about varien.
until last night.
cause i thought that he was a part that i could close off.
until last night.
where i had to face this demon again.
and it gave me a relaspe.
and i still need to face this.
i know that it isn't my fault.
but i can't help but to feel this way.


hold my hand.
and take me out of this torturous land.


thank you very much.